Before I was a grandma, I didn't think about being a grandma. Some women (and men) want to be grandparents and 'wait' for the day when they can finally say they have reached grandparent status.
I was indifferent about it. I didn't feel that being one would age me (its made me younger) or that being one would make my life better (its made it wonderful.)
Before I was a Nana, I confess, I didn't understand what all the hoopla was about. You know.... the boasting and bragging and photos and boasting and bragging and ......
When my daughter was pregnant with Kenz, one of her friends who had a child a year earlier warned me of what was ahead, but still, I didn't get it.
"Just wait, Connie, " she said, shaking her head. "You won't believe how much love you feel."
"Is it like being a new mother?" I asked her.
"I don't know, you have to ask my mom that. I just know you are going to be.... "
She couldn't think of a word, so she just shook her head and smiled. It was a--- you have no idea gesture. One I have not forgotten, because she was--- right on! I didn't know that love was going to sweep me off my feet. I didn't know that this grandparent stage was gonna to take me on a super new adventure.
It was like becoming a mother for the first time, only this time being present, present in the moment and present in the tiniest details. As a grandma you would think that because I've seen them before with my own two children, that they would be old hat. But in the details is where the fascinations lies.
The littlest things that my granddaughter does, things like singing a song, inventing a game or coloring me a picture, almost everything she does---wows me!
Even her misbehaviour is interesting. Why is she acting the way she is acting? I can contemplate it without being emotionally pulled in.
I think the people that are begging their children for grandchildren or those who are mourning the fact that there may never be any, might be a lot wiser than I ever was. Maybe they have had a glimpse of the awesome role and the incredible joy grandchildren bring when they arrive during the second half of our lives on earth. (And sometimes sooner.)
I know I'm not the only one that feels this way. I read the blogs and the books. The grandparents that are writing cannot hold back. I read about little _____'s first time to the park, or ______'s first time to play baseball. I read about what the child likes to eat, play, and watch on TV. The reader hears about how the smile looked, what they said, how smart, how funny and how clever they are. I imagine that it gets better, that is appreciating the child for who they are and the incredible life journey that is ahead of them. I think as grandparents we appreciate the fact that small steps really and truly do--- make a distance.
Grandparents are all about the details.